Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas!

WOW! What a white Christmas we are having. There was "suppose" to be a 30% chance of light snow last nite and 33 degrees today. We had no snow last night, 34 degrees today and then after dinner it started snowing and blowing. It is a very wet snow that is sticking to everything and very pretty. (ok I realize some of you readers don't think any snow is pretty, but it is beautiful outside Ü)

Today is my one year anniversary for blogging. I can't believe it's already been a year! The time has flown by so fast. A year ago today was a heart breaking day as a dear friend died of cancer. I miss her so much and have thought of her so often this past year. I have many things that she made me in my stamp room that remind me of her and make me smile and remember all the wonderful times we had together. My life was truly blessed to be called her friend. I miss you Kim!!

I have also had some of you e-mail me about what I found out at my dr. appt. It was discouraging news and I needed a few days to accept what they had to say. I was told there is nothing that they can do which was my worst fear to hear. The bottom two discs (S1 and L5) are completely degenerated with L5 also herniated. The reason my pain is so scattered (hips, legs, feet and different every day and even different several times a day) is because there is no fluid in those discs so every move I make causes pain somewhere as there are nerves in the discs. The next 3 discs (going up my spine) are bulging, but not to the degree to be pushing on any nerves that will cause major damage at this point.

He said to fuse (which I have NEVER wanted done) will very likely cause more pain. The recovery time is a minimum of 6 months and in my case longer as there isn't any good bone to fuse to. He did not recommend this at all, but if I say I want it done he will do it (and I do not want it done).

What I need is the artificial discs on the market and the insurance companies all over are denying this to patients for the first time in history even though it is FDA approved. There is one insurance company paying for them, but you have to be very skinny (which I am not) and you can't have any previous surgeries-which I have had many. Even if we found an insurance company that would pay for it, they will only agree to one and I need two.

So where does that put me? Between a "rock and a hard place" (dr.'s words) I am to work with my physician to find an anti-flammatory med that won't cause me to vomit, have hives or nauseau (which many do). I am now taking one that seems to be working (thank you for all the prayers!!). It says I can't take it for a long period of time, so need to find out what that means.

I also have to go back to the physical therapist to get more exercises to keep my legs strong. I am already having loss of feeling sensation and "jelly" like legs and I have to do the PT to keep from losing the ability to walk. I asked him how long before I wouldn't be able to walk and he told me that if I keep up with the PT and completely change my lifestyle (no bending, twisting, turning, lifting) 10 - 20 years depending on what happens to the next 3 discs. So, no more canning, gardening and lots of every day things that we all take for granted. I have already caught myself doing things that aren't allowed. It's going to take a long time to reprogram myself.

I have been having a feeling of lost identity as I feel useless. I can't stand for more than 5 minutes (and sometimes less than that) without being in a great deal of pain. I can't lift a pan of water and put it on the stove, take out something from the oven or lift a gallon of milk. It is hard for me to ask for help, but the boys have been really good about helping. I have already changed the way I do things the past 3 months just because of the pain. Aaron takes the laundry out of the washer and takes it outside and puts it on a chair so I can put it on the line (when it is nice out anyway Ü). Benjamin loves to cook and has been a big help when I just can't stand long enough to finish something. They do NOT like doing the dishes and I do them in spurts as I can stand the time to be standing. Our bed is low and making a bed is very painful as I cannot lean over to do it. We need to see if we can find a bed frame that is higher so that I can still do that task. Bruce helps alot too with everything. Please pray that I never ask them to do something that I can do myself. I know of people who live with chronic pain and they just give up. I refuse to do that and I don't want to take advantage of anyone. If I am able to do something, I need to feel useful to do that.

Well, if you read this far, you really are a faithful reader! LOL!! So to reward you and to celebrate my one year anniversary, post a comment here for a chance for some blog candy. I am not going to post what it is, but hopefully you will like it. I will draw a name Friday on Aaron's birthday.


  1. Congratulations on your 1 year blogaversary!!! Keep up the good work!
    Cheryl KVD

  2. Well... it sounds like you are indeed in a great deal of pain. I just want to lift you up in prayer right now because God is a God of Miracles, and a God of great comfort. Even though we do not know each other I know He hears my prayers and knows my heart as I cry out to Him for you. So I pray for you for peace, comfort and complete restoration and healing. He can do all things! God bless you with much love - to you and your family, Merry Christmas.

  3. well I typed and typed and tried to leave a message but then is said the page had expired. so who knows with google or microsoft or whoever we can blame today. I have to go to bed-its 3 AM

  4. I am a physical therapist and I can totally understand how tough it is. I have to counsel a lot of patients and accepting help is not easy.
    But the attitude will help, you have to stay positive and not give up. Let the pain guide you as to how much you can do...
    If there is any way I can guide you, I'd be happy to do it. Though I live far away, in India, I sure can write to you..

    God bless you dear!!

  5. Dont' pick me....I wanted to just say that I hope you are able to get through whatever it is that you need to feel better. you are a wonderful person for offering bloggie candy when you have been in such intense pain - and facing so much at this time of year- hang in there!! hugs,

  6. Oh Debbie....I will pray. Faith can do remarkable things and Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Barb D

  7. I am so sorry for all that you are going through. I can't even begin to imagine how it must feel. I hope you and your Dr's can figure out something soon to send you on the road to a speedy recovery. You will be in my thought!

  8. Oh Debbie, what a year! I think about you often and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Best wishes for a "bright" spot in 2008. You really are a positive person and don't less this get you down. Big hugs to you!

  9. This is my first time visiting your Blog and I am VERY sorry about all that you are going threw!! I hope that everything works out for you and that you get better!... *You are in my thoughts*

  10. May the Lord bless and keep you - your attitude will go far in your everyday life and I too understand how difficult it is to ask for help - let the Lord guide yor wishes - he will you know! God bless-

  11. Hi Debbie!
    This is my first visit to your blog...and I hate that you have such pain. But, you seem to have a positive attitude...and that helps everything!

    Congratulations on your 1 yr anniversary, and thank you for offering a give-away.

    Tip for raising the height of the bed: there is a block-like product that you put under each bedpost. I have seen them at Linens & Things. They may be called Lifters? Much cheaper than buying a new frame, if they work for you.

  12. congrats on your year but you are in my prayers for your pain.

  13. Congratulations on your blogaversary.
    My heart goes out to you, I pray that you can find some relief. You have a very positive attitude for going thru the pain you have. My prayers will be for you.
    Linda Peterson

  14. Debbie, I am so sorry for your situation! My Mom who is a very active person has a heart condition and has been told that she cannot do certain things either. Although the adjustment period was hard she knows that her family loves her to so the things she no longer can and will continue to do so just to keep her with us! I am certain yours is the same! I will keep you in my prayers!

  15. Congrats on one year blogging! I think that's quite a feat -- of time and energy, especially when you are in that much pain. We all appreciate it!! I am so sorry to hear about your back pain -- my loved one has degenerative discs but not to your degree. To see the pain he is in and he was flat on his back for a few weeks. So I am so so sorry to hear how bad it is for you.. You must take one day at a time... Your loved ones are there for you and want to help so let them!! I wish for you health and strength in the new year!!

  16. My goodness, but you have been dealing with a lot. I'm sure that the pain of losing your friend has been even more painful than all of your physical pain combined. I wish I could offer a solution or advice...all I can offer is my prayers and have faith that God will bring you comfort. I certainly admire your courage, strength & determination to remain as independant as possible. God Bless you!

  17. I just recently had a disc mess up so I know a fraction of the pain you are in. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Happy Blogaversary!!

  18. Debbie,
    I too suffer from degenerative disc disease. Please email and I will tell you what has helped me. I have suffered with ddd for almost 25 years since the birth of my son. Don't want to go into boring details here but would love to share with you.